Emosh eating and me..

Dear Reader, 

From a young age, I always sought solace in food. My earliest food memory was climbing the food cupboards when I should have been bed, reaching for a Kit Kat. But I was slim until I was about 18. However, over the years my weight fluctuated. In 2010, my sister was getting married and I lost weight as I didn’t want to be the ‘fat sister’. However, since then it’s sky rocketed. 

This is my experience -

With me, food was always a go to for comfort. Comfort - well I say comfort.. more ‘stuff my face until I feel a bit better’.. then comes the guilt. The massively huge metaphoric baseball bat that I mentally beat myself up with. Why have I done this to myself? What’s wrong with me? Etc. Nothing makes you feel really good about yourself than firstly getting deep fried luke-warm food in a bag, thrown at you by a 16 year old on a YTS scheme (old) and then eating said food in a car park next to an over flowing bin. (Yes folks I am that classy) 

My solace in seeking comfort in food was a consequence of how I was feeling internally, I also never spoke about how I was feeling to friends and loved ones. 

It’s an issue I’ve had most of my life; as a kid it was chocolate, then as drive through fast food places have become more popular and I learnt to drive, I would do that instead. I’ve struggled with mental health for years (but that’s a story for another time) and food was my drug / therapist of choice. 

Having foods that you see as a comfort is good in moderation, but when you are doing it on a near daily basis is something when you need to look at what you can do to help yourself. 

It has long term consequences, not only on your waist line, but on the old purse strings as well. 

Mentally I felt shit, physically I couldn’t shit (do you know how difficult it is to poo when you eat so much junk) and the old bank balance took a battering. 

My weight went up and up over the years, to a point when I was 18st 9lbs at my heaviest last year. 

I’ve tried various fat clubs, slimming diets and ‘slimming aids’ all these work for people, but for me, it didn’t deal with how I was in my head. Lose 7lbs, put on 9lbs.

However, now 4.5 months before my 40th birthday I am making a stand and really really really determined to lose my wobble. And I have started to talk to people who GENUINELY care for me. 

Being larger makes me mentally and physically crap and I mean crap. If being larger works for you and you are happy, I’m pleased for you, but for me, it isn’t. 

I want to lose weight for my whole self, for my knees, my heart and for my health. Not for my friends or my hubby. 

I will write more about my experiences of emotional eating should it be wanted. But if you are reading my tale and want to have a comrade in arms.. come follow me (on instagram not stalker styles) Or in a Robbie Williams / Kylie Minogue kids style. x 

Insta: Fatlassgivesitherbest